Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
