He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
