In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
