I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
