I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
