I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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