i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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