true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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