1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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