i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
