My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
