The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
