My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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