Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
