Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
