I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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