where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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