Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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