in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
