If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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