Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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