Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
