Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
