So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize