Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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