I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
