come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My dick has a subreddit
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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