I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
