Soap is not a condiment
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
