My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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