last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
