I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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