My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
