hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
