ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
