I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
