like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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