I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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