Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
