we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
