why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
