This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
