Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
