I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
they're like a gay fantastic four
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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