There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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