there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
