Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
