my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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