I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
