Kiss
Puke
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
