8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
