we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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