My room smells like vodka and shame
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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