We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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