You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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