All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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