yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
