life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
