i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There are leaves in my underwear?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
