I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
