Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
are you so shy because you have an std?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
