i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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