We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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