I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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