You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
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New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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