Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
