Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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