I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
