She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize