Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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