It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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