Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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