Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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