he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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