She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
