Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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