I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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